The 9/11 attacks caused an upsurge in demand for flags -- the demand was covered by importing more flags from China. So now lawmakers, who realize they can't possibly enforce a ban on Chinese-made flags, want to prevent those horrifying imports from being flown on federal property. Make another law! Meanwhile, there are state laws popping up that ban non-US-made flags, and fines or jail time are the course of punishment. (See Minnesota.)

I've got an idea ... why can't Congress create a government-owned corporation that is subsidized by taxpayer dollars to manufacture flags in the good old US of A? Congress can, at the touch of a legislative button, ramp up production to meet the needs of the masses each time they are feeling their patriotic oats and buying up the flag supply. Then, by legislative decree, they can expand the manufacturing plants to other states to provide more jobs and secure re-election for congressmen. The government can put unions in the plants and pay unskilled factory workers UAW-like wages. But they can't hire illegals in the plants, because we'd be taking away good-paying American jobs making American flags. And in the case that demand for flags ceases, taxpayers can subsidize these flag manufacturing plants to not produce flags so a surplus isn't created. Or, better yet, the government can use its media outlets to spread propaganda to promote more patriotism and convince the masses that they need to buy flags in order to be good, patriotic citizens. They can even employ celebrities to sell "patriotism" to the masses, like the old savings bond schemes. Next, the government can provide washed-up ex-bureaucrats with good management jobs by paying them big $$$ to run this business. Of course, the business - we'll call it Patriot's Pride - will not be subjected to Sarbanes-Oxley, or any other silly rules. If we're really lucky, some government hack at the top of Patriot's Pride management team will engage in derivatives investing and/or trading and bring in huge profits, and we, the taxpayers, can recoup all of our tax dollars and get massive "rebate" checks from the government (but only if we fall within certain income guidelines, of course). Oh, and don't worry that "the party's over," 'cuz the Fed has our backs and the financial crisis is "contained." And lastly, if Obama is elected, anyone who spends money on those high-quality flags made by Patriot's Pride - flags made by Americans and for Americans - will receive a very American tax credit for said purchases on their tax return.

Competition for flag-making won't be allowed, but we'll all be insured that the finest quality materials and labor will go into each and every flag made by our own Patriot's Pride. Lee Greenwood, you are back in business, baby.

How about it taxpayer?