Believe it or not, there is an American Restroom Association.

Although incorporated in Maryland, much of the group's work originates from Brubaker's home in Alexandria, Va. The board members scattered across the country include a General Motors engineer, a pharmaceutical worker and an academic with an interest in gender-balanced restroom provisions -- an issue also known as "potty parity."

Soifer's group contends the Maryland plumbing code states that any customers or potential customers may use the employee facilities in any store -- which seemed to be news to many downtown proprietors, not to mention officialdom.

Thus, the lack of private property rights has come to bear fruit: toilet communism. Your toilet is not your property - it is someone else's right.

I think I'm going to go lie down now.